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From all to nothing

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I hesitate, think. My hand is a hair's breadth from your breast. Your tongue has just left my mouth. I'm afraid. I don't know what's happening. You've kissed me. I've kissed you. I've tasted you, touched you.

And now? Should I go on, continue on this path, without knowing where it leads? I've dreamt about it, fantasised about it, imagined you wrapped around me, your naked body against mine. Pictured entering you, being devoured by you, swallowed by you...


I hesitate, afraid. The limit is mine. I've set it up, I can take it down. You'll let me. I don't understand. Why now? You've never shown a sign, in all these years, that you'd welcome me like you're doing now.


I hesitate. You're doing it now. You offer me your breast. And more. You know, you must know, that once I've crossed that limit it'll be gone, for ever. Your breast is a key, a passport to the rest of you. I've made it so.

Oh, god! You know. I look you deep into the eyes and see that you know, that you offer me all of you. My hand is shaking, I've got a lump in my throat. My decision. I swallow. I see it's now or never. You've decided to... What?

To make me choose. I realise that if I decide to stick to the limit you won't invite me again. And I'll have to give up my dreams. If I say no I can't say anything afterwards, nothing about yearning for you, nothing about aching for you. Yes or no. Fullfil my desire or put it aside, keep you as a friend I can tell averything or...

I'm afraid. I don't know what will happen if I say yes. To us. I might lose you. And it's you I love, not your body. You.

My head is spinning, I'm dizzy with indecisiveness, with wine, with you. You wait. See my thoughts mirrored in my eyes, feel my hand tremble against your ribs. I must decide. Yes or no. Platonic friendship, or sex and something unknown.

I hesitate, afraid.

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